We interrupt our regularly scheduled Follow Friday for a new special feature. Our dear friend, Bret Ballou, will be writing a regular post with us every other Friday beginning today! Bret will bring his own slant and style to our weekly "themes" and we are delighted to have him here.

Beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Our Dear Manuscript who is finally resting peacefully in the drawer.

When Our Dear Manuscript was young, passion and love nourished it. We lavished it with dreams and hopes. It flourished with wonderful tension, endearing characters, and a unique hook. Time with Our Dear Manuscript was perfect and limitless.

But as the days and weeks wore on to months and years, we grew disturbed. Sickness blossomed in Our Dear Manuscript. Flat characters, confusing plot-lines, and clichés riddled it’s poor ending. A weak second Act plagued it. And we need not mention it’s first pages in the presence of children.

At some moment, after the 9th revision, we lost heart and faith. Our Dear Manuscript turned twisted and ugly. We knew not what to do. Despair. Pain. Angst. Alas, it became easier to let Our Dear Manuscript go than continue to reach for a miracle. And, so, Our Dear Manuscript went into the drawer.

But do not mourn too deep for we are gathered here in celebration. We learned so much from Our Dear Manuscript – like how to pace a father-son debate or form a strong hook. We now know the signs of the weak-act-two plague and will be cautious of clichés. And rejoice! for Our Dear Manuscript’s great lines, interesting characters, and entire scenes live on in our minds, waiting for their second chance.

So, Beloved, in reality Our Dear Manuscript is not in gone, but from the drawer it will rise – not in the embodiment which it is now, but with the face of brilliance. This new face will have characters fully developed, hooks unwavering, and many new breathtaking lines. It will be our finest work…

It will be Our New Manuscript.

Can I get an AMEN?

I love this week on the blog. It’s all about celebrating one fact about being a writer: if you work hard, you will improve. That’s a great thing for every writer to keep in mind, regardless of where you are in your journey.

Here’s what I have in the drawer, by numbers:

1 completed upper middle grade manuscript, (an adventure story for boys)

1 completed YA manuscript (an adventure/romance)

5 sets of notes from manuscript consultants, evaluating the above as well as the manuscript I sold in the fall

15 paper clipped stacks of notes from writer’s conferences or workshops I’ve attended throughout the years

3 binders of completed writing assignments (from three UCLA courses I took a few years ago.)

4 contest/award certificates

1 huge file stuffed with my favorite writing articles

18 books on writing craft (ok, they are on the shelf that’s near my drawer)

The thing you don’t see in the drawer but that perhaps matters most is the hours. It’s hard to actually put a number to how many hours I’ve spent working on my craft. But let’s call it seven years. Seven dedicated years, in which I amassed all of the above, but more importantly, they were the years I figured out who I am as a storyteller.

The work on craft will never end. I don’t want it to. I still read like a writer. I still pick up one of my books on craft at least once a week and flip through it. I still go to conferences and attend workshops.

My drawer is packed enough to have taken me to a few places, but it’s nowhere near full.

See, there’s another thing about a writer’s drawer… don’t think of it as being filled with dead ends and slain projects. This is a journey. Your drawer is filled with souvenirs. Be proud of them and keep collecting.

I pull the drawer open halfway and then push it closed again really fast.

I try again, this time with one eye closed and manage to get the drawer almost all the way open before I catch a glimpse of the first two chapters of an unfinished werewolf romance circa 1992 involving an old Victorian house, an interior decorator, and you guessed it, a curse.

I slam the door shut.

Then I remember that the werewolf was kind of hot.

I open the drawer all the way.

I have some pretty cringe-worthy stuff tucked away in there.  But none of it was a wasted word.  Every piece led to the next.  And every word fed a need inside me, giving voice to my insecurities, fantasies, and the even the dark places that lurk in the corners of my subconscious.

Here's what I find in the drawer:

Some short stories:  Not all, but a few.

OPPORTUNITY- the story of a girl willing to sell her soul to ride an Olympic level show horse.  Complete with comments from an undergraduate creative writing professor in red pen: "Your characters all gorgeous and rich."  I remember thinking, "my main character is not rich. That's why she sells her soul."  (She was gorgeous though).  Flash forward twenty years and I'm still writing characters who are better looking than average, and even a few with money.  They're more fun to screw with.

REUNION- the story of a young woman who seeks revenge on a guy who spurned her in the seventh grade, by seducing him and then dumping him in spectacular fashion.  Ah, who doesn't love a revenge fantasy?  Especially when said fantasy involves making the boy (who humiliated you by telling everyone you were  a sloppy kisser) into a love sick puppy dog who wants you even after you've broken his heart in a million little pieces.  Who needs therapy when you've got fiction?

NINE LIVES- A one-act play written as part of a year long college workshop, and one of only a few selected for production at the end of the year.  The play equated marriage with death and was meant to be a dark comedy questioning whether anyone really knows who they are meant to be with.  When produced, it played more like a sitcom having "a very special episode," if you didn't count all the gratuitous swearing.  Still, I'll never forget opening night, surrounded by friends and family.  Listening to a packed theater laugh at your words is an incredible experience, one that you can't duplicate with novel writing.  This was the moment I realized that I wanted writing to be my career.

Some sample dialogue:

***
Jack
You wrecked my car?

SuperB****
I'm fine.  Thanks for asking.

Jack
I can see that.  (Under his breath) How f***ing unfortunate.

SuperB****
(Throws keys at him) Your car folded up like tin foil.

***

A real  laugh riot, that one.  It was meant to be satirically misogynistic, with the guy's marriage seen not as the culmination of love, but the death of it. He was giving up on relationships by committing to someone he knew wasn't the one.  Did I mention I was engaged when I wrote this?  Yeah.  That didn't work out so well either.

THE WOLF WITHIN- Two chapters of an unfinished category romance involving an interior decorator and one very sexy man who turns into a wolf.   Hmmm.   I might have to finish this one.

THIRTEEN PARTIES- A seventy page start to the novel of my heart- a story of a teen girl whose true love has been there all along, but she doesn't realize it until many years later, after she is married to someone else.  This is the piece where my writing voice starts to take shape, where I discover pacing, and where characters start to feel real as opposed to stepping out of the pages of an eighties glam show.  This is also where I realize that I love writing teens.

THIRTEEN PARTIES (Screenplay)-  Why wait for a film deal when you can write your own movie?  I actually had plans to shoot this between my first and second year of law school using a cast of law students and digital video.  Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) digital video was still a new and expensive technology and I elected to go to summer school instead. That and my budget included more for catering than editing. 

WOLFSBANE- the story that would land me an agent; and after some significant revision, become my first published novel, BANDIA.  My first finished novel!  It took over a year to write, and included some scenes that are still in the published version, although the werewolves (yes, they were hot!) and the entire third act are gone.

I still miss this little bit:

***

"I almost forgot."  he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small box.  "Happy Birthday."

I take the box from his hand and stare at it.  "I can't take this."  My fingers close around the velvet box.  I chew on my lower lip and push my hand back to Austin.  He holds his palm up then walks back to join the others.

I stare at the little square, turning it over in my hand.  I glance back at the group in front of the store.  Haley is still entertaining them with her psycho analysis.  Blake doesn't even look in my direction.

I flip the lid of the box open.

A gold chain shines, even in the darkness.  A round silver charm hangs from it.  I pick the chain up and look more closely at the circle.  It's a quarter. There's shiny gold script across George Washington's face.

Maybe.

My breath catches.  I roll the quarter over in my palm.  On  the other side is more gold lettering.

Or not.

I can't help laughing.  When I look back up at Austin, he has his arm around Haley and whispers something in her ear.  Her answering smile is breathtaking, even from here.


Tails it is.

***

In the end, my writing drawer has a lot to teach me.  Not only about my writing journey, but my personal one.  The subjects and themes I chose to write about changed over the years, reflecting things about myself that I can only see on reflection.  Things I might have missed, if I didn't have a record of my subconscious thoughts, insecurities, and fantasies.  Although there is one consistency.

Werewolves were always hot.

What does your drawer have to teach you?

“On guard!” I shouted, holding my stick sword in front of me.  My mom told me once that what the three Musketeers actually say is something in French, but I couldn’t remember what it was, and it sounded like “on guard”, so I said it that way.  Besides, it makes sense, doesn’t it?  If I’m going to come at you with a sword, you’d better be on guard.

And so began my first novel for children.  A middle grade time-travel adventure about a classic movie-loving ten-year-old who discovers that his best friend is actually Richard, Duke of York, one of the Princes in the Tower, supposedly murdered by Richard III in 1483. 

I loved this book.  I loved the character, Henry, and how his voice literally sprang to the page.  I loved the quirky things he said and did.  I loved throwing in little nuggets of fact that only a well-read historian would find humorous, but it tickled me to write them.

When I wrote this book, I had no idea what character arc was.  I don’t think I even understood plot and crisis points.  I understood the ticking clock.  I understood raising the stakes.  But the book was episodic and a little esoteric with its Errol Flynn narrator and not-so-humorous asides about Thomas Howard (ten years old in 1483, but grew up to be the Duke of Norfolk, who features in GIRL IN A DIAMOND COLLAR.  I’m nothing if not eco-friendly, recycling characters).

I entered the book in the Nevada SCBWI mentorship program and climbed an incredibly steep learning curve toward the actual crafting of a novel.  But the more I worked, the more the story seemed to fall apart.  And I fell with it.

And then a brilliant children’s book author published a time-travel adventure about a boy who finds out his best friend is actually Richard, Duke of York, one of the Princes in the Tower, supposedly murdered by Richard III in 1483.  She didn’t write the classic movie-loving bit.  But it was close enough for me.

A TUDOR ELEMENTARY FIFTH GRADER IN KING RICHARD’S COURT went in the drawer.   

But I learned from the writing.  I learned that I love it.  The joy of sitting down every day with a living, breathing character at my fingertips.  Finding terrible things to happen that would raise the stakes for the poor kid.  Researching the history, the layout of the Tower of London, the sequence of events that led to the belief that the two boys – the King’s own nephews – were dead.  The glee at finding a way to save them – and Richard III – from the fate history had dealt them. 

Not to mention discovering plot and character arc.

Sometimes we need a practice novel.  At least, I did.  I needed something to play with, to struggle over, to ruin.  To love.

If that other book hadn’t been published, I might still be trying to shop this one.  I might still be afraid it isn’t good enough.  It broke my heart when that book came out.  But it gave me the push I needed to move into an actual historical novel.  And YA.  And I fell in love all over again.  This is the beauty of what we, as writers, do.  We can fall in love with every project.  With every character.  It’s self-perpetuating. 

Aren’t we lucky?

Last Thursday, I posted a giveaway for a signed ARC of HEREAFTER by Tara Hudson.  The response was wonderful -- absolutely befitting this mysterious, ghostly love story that is one heck of a read.

As promised, today I announce the winner -- chosen by random number generator -- from all the people who have commented here or tweeted about us since I made the contest announcement.

And the winner is: Naomi Canale!

Congratulations, Naomi, I hope you'll love it.  Please e-mail your address to us at yamuses(at)aol(dot)com and I'll get it in the mail as soon as possible.

And don't miss my interview with Tara on the Apocalypsies blog next Tuesday, June 7th.

Not long ago, I was surprised to read survey results from debut authors that indicated most of them had completed novels that never saw the light of day. The first novel published was often the second (or even third/fourth/fifth) written. At the time, I was shocked. Why wouldn't the writer have just kept working on that one novel until it was publishable? After all, from the perspective of a former picture book writer, completing a novel is a LOT of work. I would never just give up on it. Right? Well...time passes, perspectives change. I am now one of those writers with a drawer full of "completed" manuscripts that may never see the published page. And there's probably a reason for that.

So, I'm pulling open the drawer slowly and giving you a peak inside...

1. One completed YA novel. I still have hopes for this manuscript--a mystery with a ghostly, paranormal twist. I like the concept, characters, and setting, but think the plot needs work. My plan is to come back to this while my current project is out on submission. But, who knows? Plans change. One thing learned is I had to write this book to get to the next one. Nothing is ever wasted.

2. One Tween novel Whether or not it actually ever sells, this manuscript will always be special to me.. The story is about a girl whose mother is diagnosed with breast cancer at the same time she's developing her own breasts. I wrote this after a long absence from the children's writing world, and it was the first thing that actually captured the attention of an agent. The story also holds a special place in my heart because I wrote it while my mother, a breast cancer survivor, was battling ovarian cancer. She was able to read the first few chapters from her hospital bed shortly before she passed away.

3. Early Chapter Book Series. Teaching kids to read is absolutely one of my most favorite things about being a fomer elementary teacher. It's an amazing moment when that lightbulb pops on and a child realizes those black squiggles on the page have meaning! This early chapter book series comes directly out of my passion for that age group, and my experiences of what makes reading accessible for beginning readers. There's lots of repetitive phrases and sentence structure, with some major silliness thrown in for good measure. I love this series and hope someday it will see the light outside my drawer.

4. Picture Books. There are a couple of random picture book manuscripts in the drawer. Most of them make me cringe, but one of them is special. It is the first manuscript I ever submitted for publication, almost twenty years ago, and has never sold. I'd like to believe...someday...I will get the revision right on this baby and it will actually find a home.

So, what about you? Anything in that drawer you'd like to share with us?