Below is a secret transcript that I’m sharing with you, my trusted YA Muse reader. It’s a new venture The Muses are embarking upon to help the non-writer understand *exactly* what to say in dealing with crazy writers. I think it’s MINT. So please, keep this on the shush – I don’t want anyone swiping all my millions because I let you in on it.

Thank you for calling 1 (900) HLP-D-CRZY, your one stop shop for all the pep talks, ego strokes, and general support needed to deal with the neurotic writer in your life. We’re here to provide you with stock answers that’ll whip your devastated, stressed, or overall unpleasant author back into shape. Plus, you’ll earn some brownie points at the same time.

Please listen to the following options carefully, because you will be charged a low, flat rate of $6.99 for every selection.

• Press 1 for “Honey, your writing is NOT drivel/awful/poop. People out there DESERVE to read this and someday they will LOVE it as much as I do.”

• Press 2 for “First drafts suck. They always suck. No one likes them, but everyone gets through them and you WILL do this.”

• Press 2* for “Second drafts suck. They always suck. No one likes them, but everyone gets through them and you WILL do this.”

• Press 3 for “Stay clam. It doesn’t matter that Madonna’s/Sarah Palin’s/the Pope’s picture book is the same topic as yours, it’s totally in a different market segment and concept. Chin up.”

• Press 4 for “Dear, this is a subjective business. Not everyone is going to like everything you write. Focus on the good things people say. I’m sure Harry Potter got rejected/bad reviews at first too.”

• Press 5 for “If writing were easy, everyone would be doing it. I admire you so much. Writing a book is just something I’d never be able to do.”

• Press 6 for “Take a deep breath/bath/walk/etc. and the words will start to flow again, I just know it. Sometimes you and the page just need time apart. Tonight, I’m taking you out for dinner.”

• Press 7 for “Don’t feel guilty, sweetheart. Everyone understands writing is a priority in your life and know that’s why you missed . And if they don’t, then they don’t get you like I do.”

• Press 8 for “I don’t care if the house is a mess/we’re having microwave pizza again/you’re not sure where the kids are. You were writing and couldn’t be interrupted.”

• Press 9 for “Publishing has so much waiting involved, I totally understand why to check your email 7,896 times per hour. I’ll do the laundry why you hit refresh.”

• Press 10 for “Remember, you love to write. No one can take that away from you. Ever.”

Okay, that’s all I feel comfortable sharing right now. But you get the picture. Again, please keep this quiet…of course, feel free to share the 900 number with someone that has a writer in their life. If you do, I’ll promise to have you over for some caviar on The Muses’ yacht once we strike it big-big.

This week, we've been shining the spotlight on a writer's support network. The posts have been really special. We writers can be a tough bunch to live with and the friends and family who put up with us deserve a little recognition.

We thank you for:

RESPECTING THE INTROVERT - Thank you for allowing us to spend hours alone, with nothing but coffees, our computers and our imaginations. When we seclude ourselves, we don't just affect our own lives. Our sacrifices are often your sacrifices too.

WEATHERING THE UPS AND DOWNS - Every stage of the writing process has its ups and downs. From the writing itself (Draft Two, I'm looking at you) to the querying process, to revisions and marketing, and whoa! Let's stop there. My point is that each and every day has the potential to be AWESOME or TERRIBLE. The right word Katy talked about? You can find it, and you can also not find it. Every day is new. We ride the crazy train. It's what we do. But thank goodness you're there for us when we step back onto the platform and return to REAL LIFE. You bring us perspective and stability. Both are very necessary.

SUPPORTING THE LEAP - There are no guarantees in writing. A writer can work for a bunch of years not ever knowing if they'll earn any income. Many people think we're foolish dreamers. But you don't see it that way. You, supporter, see us as fearless and tenacious. To you, we aren't throwing away hours, we are building a dream one word at a time.

LISTENING WELL - Thank you for listening when we tell you about the plot problem that's stumping us. Thanks for listening even when we repeat ourselves. Thanks for listening even when we repeat ourselves. Hah. Gotcha.

TALKING CAREFULLY - Similarly, we appreciate the carefulness with which you provide feedback. We writers are perceptive. That pause--that tiny pause before you say, I like it, means something. So thank you for knowing when to pause and when not to pause. There is a time for straight up honesty, and there is a time for undivided support. You walk that line and for that, we salute you.

Above all else, thank you for sharing in the journey.

The path to publication is paved with sacrifice.  There's no question that writers make a lot of sacrifices along the way: personal time, money, sanity... but sometimes I think some of the greatest sacrifices along the way are made not by the writers themselves, but by the people who love them.  A line in the author's acknowledgments or even a dedication doesn't begin to do justice to the people who love writers and the sacrifices that they make to allow someone to follow a dream.

Writing is a profession, but it's one that generally doesn't pay very well. I know there are wild success stories out there, but even the most successful authors started working for free. For every author that makes a living writing, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands who put in thousands of hours to hone their craft, to get their break, to support their habit, all with no real assurance that they will ever be paid with anything more substantial than a mother's praise.

And it's not only the thousands of hours of unpaid work that can wear on family members.  *Some* writers have been known to disappear into their story in a room full of people, drifting in and out of new plot twists, character revelations and story ideas.  You can take a writer away from the computer, but you can't take a writer away from the story.

Living with a writer is hard.  I've asked my real life love interest to share some of his secrets for "living with the crazy."  Here's what he had to say:

When your writer comes to you with a brilliant new plot idea, just agree with everything she says.  Now is not the time to point out plot holes or that this book sounds an awful lot like Veronica Mars.

When you suggest amazing new concepts and your writer does not jump at the chance to write what is sure to be a bestseller, keep pitching.

You do not need to love or even read the work in progress.  You just need to encourage your writer to keep going.

When your writer asks if its okay for her to have a "book boyfriend" to discuss books and characters and plots and writing with, say YES.

When the first advance check comes and it ends up looking like an ordinary paycheck, celebrate the moment by getting a giant replica check made to hang on the wall or photograph Publisher's Clearinghouse Style.

When your sister reads the manuscript while visiting and comments that "It is not the best book she's ever read," do not repeat this comment to writer.  Do. Not. 

When writer starts writing about a Saint Bernard and two days later asks you if she can get a puppy, go with it, you'll love him too.
 
When all else fails, watch baseball.

I love the title to Donna’s post yesterday. All of us, whether we write novels of 100,000 words or more, or 200-word articles, or something in between, need the people around us to support the crazy.

 “But how?” The people around us cry in agony. “When every day brings something new? When every minute brings a new kind of crazy?”

It takes talent, skill, insight, and instinct. Those of you who live with writers probably already have some practice with this.  However, I am here to offer a few pointers to people interested in supporting the crazy.

1.     Be prepared to ride the roller coaster. Every day brings a new kind of crazy because every day brings a new high or low. Highs include a thousand-word day, a new inspiration, or sometimes just a great word. Just one word. Lows include computer malfunctions, carpal tunnel syndrome, inspiration blockage, and word counts in the negative numbers.

2.     Be available to listen. Even if you don’t understand what your is talking about, just listen. And you have to listen well, to know what to do with what you hear. Sometimes all a writer needs to do is talk. About his characters, about his plot problems, about his excitement over that one word. When this is the case, you don’t need to say anything. In fact, it’s better that you don’t. But then there are other times when your writer is actually soliciting your input. Usually she clues you in on the situation by actually asking a question, such as “what do you think?” When this is the case, it’s better to say something.  Carefully.

3.     Be aware. If your writer is cranky or snappish or out of sorts, it could be a clue that the writing is not going well. Or not going at all. This is a sensitive time. Your writer may need wine or chocolate or fresh air. A safe choice is to suggest a trip to the bookstore.  That always helps.

4.     Be willing to celebrate even the smallest victories. There are the big things. Signing with an agent, getting a book deal, getting written up in Publishers Marketplace. But because it takes so long for so many of us to achieve those things, it is especially important to celebrate the small things. The single sentence. The exquisite word. The new inspiration. Typing a single sentence after a long dry spell is a reason for joy. Typing the words “the end.”

If you remember these things, you are well on your way to being a great support to your writer. You may never understand the crazy, but it will make it easier to live with.

I leave you with just a few very important suggestions. Take them or leave them, they may not apply to your writer.  But chances are something similar will.

Don’t speak to your writer when he is at the computer and things are going well.

Don’t speak to your writer when she is at the computer and things are going badly.

Don’t ask your writer how her day went if she’s cleaning the toilets or scrubbing the baseboards. You can guess that it didn’t go well.

Stick up for your writer when others ask why he’s writing.

Never, ever raid your writer’s chocolate stash.

And remember, a writer often just needs to be loved. But if you’re reading this, you’re probably already pretty good at that.

Sharing our non-human writing support last week was so much fun. Great pictures and great stories. This week we turn our attention to the people in our lives that support our writing who are not writers themselves. How do they put up with all our craziness? It can be a challenge.

I'm lucky to have wonderful writing buddies who understand the process and the desire for a saleable writing product, but, just as importantly, I also have people who have absolutely no clue what it's like to try to write and publish a novel. ( In fact, most of the people around me fall into this latter category--Thank God). When they do find out about my secret other life, they ask me questions like how? and why? Sometimes I know the answers. Sometimes not. They like to bring it up at cocktail parties and work meetings. They pull me out as an instant curiosity when the conversation dwindles, then everyone looks at me with brows furrowed like I'm the nearly extinct Purple Painted Geko of Timbuktu. Once discovered, I catch them narrowing their eyes at me, wondering if something they just said or did will end up in a chapter somewhere for strangers to read. I hate to tell them (and I usually don't), but it just might.

My father is one of these people. Don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful father, but the idea of making money with something you made up in your head is a completely foreign concept to him. He's a retired coach who now lives on ten acres in the Piney Woods of East Texas. Just as he always has, he works hard. He mows on his tractor, plants a garden to give away delicious sweet corn and vine ripened tomatoes to all his neighbors, goes to the Baptist church down the road on Sundays and Wednesdays and, in the heat of the Texas summer days, he comes inside to read books. Lots of books.

This past Father's Day I surprised my dad by showing up on his doorstep from my home in Colorado. I gave him a freshly printed out hardcopy of SKINNY, the book that just sold to Scholastic.

"Surprise!" I said.
He flipped through the pages and said, "That's all there is to it? Just 187 pages?"
"Just read the book," I said.
"I really think it needs to be longer. This book I bought from Walmart is 347 pages," he said.
"Just read it."
"What's it about?" He frowned down at the pages as he flipped through to the end.
"Just read the book, Dad," I said.
"What happens?" he asked.
"It's about an overweight girl that breaks a chair and then gets gastric bypass surgery."
"So it's about you?"
"It's fiction," I said. "Just read it."
"What's her name?"
"Ever," I said.
"What kind of name is that?" he asked.
"You'll understand if you read the book," I said.
"Am I in it?" he asked.
"It's fiction. I made it all up," I said.
"And they're going to pay you for that." He shook his head in amazement. "You know, if you make her name longer then the book would have more pages."
"JUST READ THE BOOK!" I yelled.
He grinned at me
"Happy Father's Day, Dad." I said.

He read the book in a day and a half. He told me how much he liked it the next time I talked to him on the phone.

"Thanks, Dad," I said. "By the way, the editor said she'd like me to make it longer."

"Ha!" He exclaimed. I could hear him smiling through the phone.