Pseudo Dialogue Tags

I wrote a whole book without dialogue tags.  True story.  There was dialogue in the book too.  A lot.  

No one noticed, but they did comment in a few places that they lost track of who was speaking, so I added a few tags.  I discovered that a well placed said or says can help slow down the pace and provide a much needed beat in a scene.  So dialogue tags and I have made our peace, and I do include them in my stories, but sparingly. 

Dialogue tags (or the lack of them) really impact the voice of a piece.  There aren't necessarily right or wrong choices,  All may be grammatically correct.  It's a matter of style.

I prefer to use what I call pseudo dialogue tags. Pseudo dialogue tags can be physical descriptions, actions, or interior monologue that are placed in the same paragraph as the dialogue, either immediately before or after the dialogue.  These pseudo tags clue you in to who is speaking, without overtly pointing it out.  Occasionally, when I need to communicate tone, instead of using an adverb or active dialogue tag  (like exclaim, whisper, yell), I'll describe the tone of voice as an action. 

By way of example, let's take a short scene from my 2012 paranormal BANDIA:

             He stares out the windshield, lost in thought.  He looks younger than his eighteen years without the too confident grin. 

            My stomach twinges with a familiar little ache of yearning before I can stop it.  “I think at least one of us has to say something before we can consider this a real date.”

            Blake laughs at my comment, even though he still doesn’t look over.  “I don’t know.  Some of my best dates involved very little talking.”

            “I’m not an expert or anything, but I think talking about dates with other girls is generally frowned upon.”  Technically, he’s done it twice now.  The count’s in my favor.  “Although I guess that explains your better dates.”

            He smiles, and for a second I let myself wish he’d turn that smile on me.  He doesn’t.  He keeps staring straight ahead.

            “Look at me.”  It’s out before I can take it back. 

            To his credit, he turns his head in my direction, but his glance is so fleeting that it’s hardly worth the effort. 

            “Nice try.”

            “Brianna.”  Blake’s voice softens.  “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I just want to go home.”  The only thing to figure out is how I managed to wind up alone in a car with a guy who can’t even look at me.  A guy who can only break my heart.  

Did you notice the lack of "said" dialogue tags?  No adverbs or active dialog tags either.  Now, here is the scene again with the pseudo dialog tags highlighted and explained:

My stomach twinges with a familiar little ache of yearning before I can stop it.  [This physical reaction puts us in Brianna's head and since the dialogue is in the same paragraph, we know its her speaking] “I think at least one of us has to say something before we can consider this a real date.”

            Blake laughs at my comment, even though he still doesn’t look over. [Here, the paragraph switch and physical description brings us to Blake, and we know he is speaking next]  “I don’t know.  Some of my best dates involved very little talking.”

            “I’m not an expert or anything, but I think talking about dates with other girls is generally frowned upon.”  Technically, he’s done it twice now.  The count’s in my favor. [Since there are only two people speaking in this scene, a further dialogue tag isn't necessary, but if there were more than two characters in the scene, this interior monologue breaking up the two lines of dialogue should clue us in that Brianna is speaking] “Although I guess that explains your better dates.”

            He smiles, and for a second I let myself wish he’d turn that smile on me.  He doesn’t.  He keeps staring straight ahead. [Here we have Blake's physical description and no dialogue after, so we know he doesn't say anything] 

            “Look at me.”  It’s out before I can take it back. [Again, interior monologue and a paragraph shift clue us in that the speaker is Brianna] 

            To his credit, he turns his head in my direction, but his glance is so fleeting that it’s hardly worth the effort. [Again, we get Blake's physical reaction, but no dialogue] 

            “Nice try.”[Here, we know Brianna's speaking from the paragraph structure (the move from Blake's action with no tag, and the fact that we've been trained to see this pattern from the sequence above) but if there was any doubt, it's cleared up immediately, by the next line of dialogue]

            “Brianna.”  Blake’s voice softens. [This is almost a true dialogue tag- it describes Blake's tone of voice and provides a beat between the more substantive comment that follows] “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I just want to go home.”  The only thing to figure out is how I managed to wind up alone in a car with a guy who can’t even look at me. [More interior monologue as a pseudo tag] A guy who can only break my heart.  

It's not that I don't like dialogue tags.  Most of the time when I'm reading, I don't even notice them.  But I do have a pet peeve about tags when they are overused,  And yes, it possible to overuse dialogue tags, even without adverbs.  I tried to read one book that had so many "active" dialogue tags that it completely detracted from the story, and I never read past the first chapter. 

Let's take the scene above with active dialogue tags added: 

My stomach twinges with a familiar little ache of yearning before I can stop it.  “I think at least one of us has to say something before we can consider this a real date,” I state.

            Blake laughs at my comment, even though he still doesn’t look over.  “I don’t know," he comments.  "Some of my best dates have involved very little talking.”

            “I’m not an expert or anything, but I think talking about dates with other girls is generally frowned upon,” I retort.  Technically, he’s done it twice now.  The count’s in my favor.  “Although I guess that explains your better dates,” I add.

            He smiles, and for a second I let myself wish he’d turn that smile on me.  He doesn’t.  He keeps staring straight ahead.

            “Look at me,” I exclaim.  It’s out before I can take it back. 

            To his credit, he turns his head in my direction, but his glance is so fleeting that it’s hardly worth the effort. 

            “Nice try,” I berate.

            “Brianna,”  Blake purrs.  “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I just want to go home,” I declare.  The only thing to figure out is how I managed to wind up alone in a car with a guy who can’t even look at me.  A guy who can only break my heart.

Do you see the difference?  It's more than just my clunky use of descriptive tags, it's the overuse of them.  They repeat information we already know (who's speaking) and describe tone that was evident from the dialogue itself.  Not only do these active tags add nothing here, they are so overdone that they detract from the scene.  The entire rhythm feels off to me.

Even the innocuous "said" can be overused in some cases.  I read an adult romance that had a "said" tag on every line of dialogue without exception, even when only two people were talking and it was clear who was speaking. "Said" was simply tacked on to every line of dialogue.  It was tedious and clunky.  Let's try the BANDIA scene again with simple "said" in place of the active tags.  It's less bad, but the pacing is still affected, and it's distracting because we already know who's talking:

My stomach twinges with a familiar little ache of yearning before I can stop it.  “I think at least one of us has to say something before we can consider this a real date,” I say.

            Blake laughs at my comment, even though he still doesn’t look over.  “I don’t know," he says.  "Some of my best dates have involved very little talking.”

            “I’m not an expert or anything, but I think talking about dates with other girls is generally frowned upon,” I say.  Technically, he’s done it twice now.  The count’s in my favor.  “Although I guess that explains your better dates,” I say.

            He smiles, and for a second I let myself wish he’d turn that smile on me.  He doesn’t.  He keeps staring straight ahead.

            “Look at me,” I say.  It’s out before I can take it back. 

            To his credit, he turns his head in my direction, but his glance is so fleeting that it’s hardly worth the effort. 

            “Nice try,” I say.

            “Brianna,”  Blake says.  “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I just want to go home,” I say.  The only thing to figure out is how I managed to wind up alone in a car with a guy who can’t even look at me.  A guy who can only break my heart.

I'm not saying pseudo dialogue tags are for everyone.  And there is nothing wrong with a well placed said or even an active tag if used judiciously.  However, if you struggle with scenes where your tags feel clunky or in the way, try using paragraph structure and pseudo dialog tags instead.