Self Censorship- Knowing When to Say When

 During one of our awesome writerly retreat safaris, in between elk bugling, the Muses had an interesting discussion about self censorship that prompted this week's topic.  As luck would have it, the points we discussed were illustrated later that evening when I caught myself censoring my own work.

I'd written the first two pages of GOLD, the sequel to my paranormal, and was reading out loud during our critique session.  The scene involved a confrontation between a new character, Mallory, the mean-spirited fourteen-year-old sister of my main character's boyfriend and the main character, Brianna.


That exchange went something like this:


            Mallory:    "I know what you are.  Everyone knows.  You might be able to lead my brother around by his d*** but you’re nothing to me.  (collective ooohs from the Muses) Less than nothing."

Brianna:  "There’s no such thing as less that nothing.  Under the theory of infinite smallness things can always be halved, shaved into smaller and smaller parts.”

            Mallory:  “Whatever. Why don’t you find my brother so you can f*** him and leave?”  (Gasps accompanied by a "whoa" and one muse sits up very straight in her chair.)

Now the Muses are adults with a high threshold for edge and controversy.  A few curse words are not going to freak them out.  So when they reacted visibly (and audibly) to Mallory's lines, I knew I couldn't ignore it.  This is where knowing your audience is important.  If I had gotten the same reaction from a more conservative group, I probably would have written it off as "not for them."  But if this group was reacting so strongly, I knew it merited some additional consideration on my part.

So the next morning, as I set out to revise the scene, I contemplated whether a change might be needed.

First, I tried to figure out what was causing such a big reaction.  I think the fact that this exchange happens 200 words into the manuscript might be a problem.  The first pages set the tone for the rest of the book, and the reality is that the book will probably not be so crass.  Having such a strong exchange up front might turn off a segment of readers unnecessarily.

Second, I tried to analyze what I was trying to accomplish with the exchange, and determine if the language was really necessary to get my point across. Here, the scene with Mallory is meant to show what the last six months of Brianna's life have been like, to show that her boyfriend's family has not and will probably never accept her.  Mallory's attitude towards Brianna is important, but the words themselves might not be critical.

Third, I examined Mallory's character and tried to decide if I would be taking anything away from her if I robbed her of the words that flowed so effortlessly from her tongue.  Mallory is deliberately provocative, but could she still be a mean brat without taking people out of the scene?  I thought she could.

Finally, I considered the real possibility that the strong reaction to the language was actually taking readers out of the scene.  If the language detracted from the scene itself, then it had to go.  And that's the conclusion I ultimately came to.  Now the exchange reads like this:

             Mallory:   "I know what you are.  Everyone knows. You might be able to lead my brother around by his pants but you’re nothing to me.  Less than nothing."

Brianna:  "There’s no such thing as less that nothing.  Under the theory of infinite smallness things can always be halved, shaved into smaller and smaller parts.”

            Mallory:  “Whatever. Why don’t you find my brother so you can screw him and leave?”  

So, yeah, I censored myself.  It's not as bad as watching an R rated movie on broadcast television, with badly dubbed mixes that make no sense.  (I once saw a version of a movie where "peas and carrots" was used in place of "pissed me off"- HUH?)  In fact, I think the dialogue works fine.  It loses some of the shock value, but none of the punch.

I do think there is a place for self censorship in writing.  Isn't that what revision is for?  I think the key is that self censorship is part of the revision process.  This was a decision that I made only after I had already written the scene the way the character demanded, and the ultimate decision to bleep out the curse words was made with careful deliberation when I went back and revised.   Every word in a manuscript is important, and thinking about word choice is part of the revision process.

One caveat: there is no room for self censorship when you sit down to write. Writing a first draft requires letting your subconscious and the characters run wild.  That's when the magic happens.  Later, when you've got some distance, you can fine tune and polish and second guess yourself.

The thing about writing for publication is that the voice of censorship is always looking over your shoulder.  The pressure of knowing that other people will see your work and judge it can cause you to second guess yourself throughout the writing process.  Resist the temptation to give in until after you've written the damn thing.  Then know that in the end, the only person you really have to answer to is yourself.