Fickle Heart

Every book has a piece of my heart. There are pieces of me in everything I write. Some pieces are consciously placed there, memories and feelings that I want to capture, dissect or confront. Others are more mysterious, ideas and truths that I didn't even begin to understand until they appeared on the page.

Every book has something to teach me. About writing, craft, people, myself, life, love, fear, courage, joy, pain and abject terror. On one level, I live vicariously through my characters, but on another, I'm reminded of how I want to live.

Every book is a journey. From the giddy blush of new inspiration through the steep climb through Act 2 to that amazing moment when the destination is finally within reach. The ride is always challenging, ever surprising, and while arduous, I have yet to come away feeling anything less than changed for the better.

Every book is magic. In every book there is a moment that makes my blood race as I write. If I'm lucky, there are many such moments.

Every book is heartbreaking. This is the challenge with writing a book of your heart. When things aren't going well, it hurts. A lot.

The truth is I've loved them all. Some were undoubtedly more deserving of my heart than others, but I've gone into each one with the giddy certainty at it is "the one."

It never lasts. At some point, I start to doubt the book. Everything I once loved about it will start to grate on my nerves. I may even hate it. Eventually I make peace with the manuscript and we agree to just be friends. Even so, there are lingering unresolved feelings that keep us connected. Until I have a breakthrough that makes me fall in love all over again. That last giddy moment is usually the sign that things are almost over. Because while things are better, they eventually become fixed, stagnant. Once the book is done, there's no reason to lie awake and dream about the possibilities for our future.

And a new story always beckons.

P.S. If you want to see the cover of my heart, the cover for GOLD is up here!