Fan, Dumb

Bring it in, people. There we go. A little closer. Closer.

Ok, stop.

I have another confession, but I'd like to keep this between you, me and the internet.

I'm supposed to be writing about fandom, but have no idea what that is, so I decided to write on the much fancier two-word combo: Fan, Dumb.

Fan, Dumb can mean many things to many people. Let's explore...

Picture little 8-year-old Jimmy playing on the living room floor. He's got his crayons, stacks of paper to color on, and Phineas and Ferb playing in the background. His world is perfect. Then his sister comes into the room and turns the fan on, causing the papers to blow all over the room, creating a giant mess.

"Fan, Dumb," says little Jimmy.

Picture a midnight premiere of The Hunger Games. There are hundreds of people in line at the theater and most of them are teenagers. Little Jimmy is at the theater, too, but he isn't there for The Hunger Games. Instead, he's there to see Fifty Shades of Grey with his dad. It's a boys night out. There's no line for Fifty Shades of Grey, so Jimmy and his dad are able to walk right in past the growing line for The Hunger Games. As they're walking by, Jimmy hears a teenage girl say to her boyfriend, "We've been here for TEN HOURS." Then she starts to cry as her boyfriend rubs his bloodshot eyes, yawns and dies right there on the spot from exhaustion.

"Fan, Dumb," says little Jimmy.


Picture little Jimmy and his dad at Chipotle. Little Jimmy isn't sure about a place that doesn't sell any type of nugget or reheated mac & cheese, but his dad has always taught him to be positive and look on the bright side, so little Jimmy orders two burritos.

After a satisfying 35,000 calories, Jimmy's dad asks, "Well, you must have liked it?"

Jimmy wipes the guacamole off his face and says, "I'm a fan."