Today, Ms. Monday (a.k.a Donna) is on her way to NYC for BookExpo America (BEA) to show off SKINNY to the publishing community. She's even featured on the "Middle Grade and YA Author Buzz Panel" (awesome, I know). We're switching days this week, so be looking for a full report from the BEA front lines on Friday. 

With the success of NVR-SLUMP®, FEAR-B-GONE, and 1-(900)-HLP-D-CRZY, The Muses are long overdue for a new product offering: MUDDLE-MEND XL®.

And because you (yes, YOU) are such a Dear Reader, I’m giving you a sneak peek before we go into mass production.  Here’s a snippet of the initial marketing campaign to help give you an idea of what MUDDLE-MEND XL® is all about:

Does your novel suffer from a saggy Act 2? Are there more yawns than page-turns as your story rounds out the halfway mark? Does your critique group throw around terms like “episodic” and “lack of focus”? If so, you’re suffering from TheMiddleMuddlenitis (TMM).

Using research conducted on the microstructure of novels, we scientifically derived the unique formula of MUDDLE-MEND XL® in a convenient single shot ready to apply directly in the middle of your manuscript – simply open the sterile pouch, inject, and wait for these amazing results:

MUDDLE-MEND XL® sharpens the focus in Act 2 by ensuring you that central thrust (as presented in the opening chapters) continues to be the force driving everything in Act 2. Any unnecessary scenes that fail to push the plot or character arc along will wither and die.

Often TMM causes characters to lose motivation – there are plenty of scenes, but little purpose. MUDDLE-MEND XL® cures this by ensuring each character has a strong need that’s driving them through Act 2 and beyond.

The middle is where the deepest emotional pivot often happens. Unfortunately, TMM softens this powerful punch and leaves the story feeling blah. Luckily, MUDDLE-MEND XL® prevents a cushy landing for the main character. It pushes the dark points darker and makes that bottom r-o-c-k-y. It heightens the sensations of that transition so it feels like a death and glorious rebirth. With MUDDLE-MEND XL®, punches aren’t pulled, but lessons are learned.

‘But, Bret,’ you say, ‘a product this remarkable has to cost a fortune.’

To the general pubic, Dear Reader, it will…but for you (yes, YOU) we’ve authorized a one time introductory offer of $399.97*
*checks payable to Bret Ballou

Together, we can end the debilitating horrors of TheMiddleMuddlenitis.


I'm laughing too hard to think of a good comment. So: this is perfect. Where do I sign up for MUDDLE-MEND?

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Please, please sign me up, too. By the end of my middle muddle, even I (the author) have forgotten the name of my protagonist! Egads and Gadzooks! Please tell me that Muddle-Mend is on its way!

This comment has been removed by the author.

Now that I've stopped laughing, I can comment.

Sort of.

I think.

Wait, just sign me up for it :-)

Is this available for auto-refill at the pharmacy?

Bret- You are too generous! Is that all? My check is in the mail! Don't cash it until....never.


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